Little Foot

This week has not been my friend so far.  I'm just so stressed out about so many things.  My Chicago trip is now on hold..indefinitely.  My little brother is in jail and we are trying our hardest to get him out.  My social life went down the drain it feels like.  I just feel like going and finding a cave somewhere and living in it for a couple weeks.  There was a time in my life when I had 1 friend.  Who lives 600 miles away. We talked everyday and It was like she still lived down the street  And now we barely speak. It sucks.  I think I try too hard sometimes to make friends that it ends up not working.  I did not want this post to be so blehhhh.... but things just really suck right now.  But I am so incredibly thankful for Timmy.  He is always here for me.  Always.  He cheers me up when I'm down.  I honestly don't know how I would be without him.  I'm finding it hard to blog lately.  I thought If I re-designed this blog more how I wanted it, that it would put that writing fire back in me.  It did not.  Ever since new years things in my life have slowed wayyyy down.  I haven't been hanging out with my best friend, I haven't been going out, I just haven't been doing much of anything besides work.  The only time I really go out is when Deal Me In has a show.  Of course I'm always going to be there to show my support of those amazing guys...but lately I just haven't been feeling that whole "scene".  By scene I mean the whole Local Music/Band/Shows thing.  I lost interest when I turned 20.  I have just been around it for years, that I'm ready for a change.  I'm growing up.  I'm 24 years OLD....I'm not getting any younger.  I'm ready to start doing more adult things.  When I was a teenager I hung out with people years older than me.  I hung out with my sister and her friends most of the time going to show after show.  I dug it then.  I've seen mostly everyone grow up and get better jobs.  And I feel like it's my time too.  I mean yeah every once in a while go to a bar and have some drinks with friends...but thats a after work type thing.  I don't want my only after work or overall activities to be "going to shows to see awesome bands".  I love music don't get me wrong.  I looooove it.  It's  been a big part of my life.  But it isn't my life.  I feel like I'm just ranting now. But I feel like I'm making myself go out to these bars to see these bands that I'm not really into so that I fit in with people that I find truly awesome and amazing.  Every person I have met in the last year has been nothing but kind to me and I really appreciate it.  I just feel like if I don't go to these things that people will automatically assume that I don't like them, or that I think I'm too good or the usual..that I'm a antisocial bitchy girl.  I may be a little antisocial but I am not bitchy.  And it sucks because usually if I don't feel like attending something that a friend invited me and Timmy to, I feel like such a bitch for not going.  And if I don't feel comfortable for some reason going or just am not up to it Timmy stays home with me.  No matter how many times I tell him he can go and that I want him to go and have a good time, he doesn't want to leave me at home alone.  Then I feel like people think it's my fault he didn't go or that I wouldn't let him go.  For the record...anytime he gets invited anywhere by anyone I alwayyyyyys tell him to go and have fun...he makes his own decisions.  He just chooses not to sometimes, and I don't want anyone thinking it's me or my fault if he doesn't.  Now I really am ranting, but I had to get all of this off my shoulders